So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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