What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize