you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
