im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
