my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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