While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
