I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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