He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
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