he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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