Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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