I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
