He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
