I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
