Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
