make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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