i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
