Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
