After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Randomize
