pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
