Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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