the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
