made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize