we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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