I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
