I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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