I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
