this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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