whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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