btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
