I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
All I want is dick and wine.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
