carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
