also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
