dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
