if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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