I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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