He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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