i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
should my penis look like a turkey
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
