Your dad touched me again.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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