so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
