I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
