You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize