My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
