Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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