Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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