But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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