i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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