I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
