I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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