i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
