Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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