i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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