I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
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