You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize