His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
