He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
