nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
