I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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