my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
