Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
