We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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