Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize