that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
