My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
