just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
