ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
