On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
