Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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