Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
