Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
