Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I wish there were birth control emojis
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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