you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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