i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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